Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
