I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
