That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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