Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
