but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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