my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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