I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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