It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
