Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My breasts were aching with rage.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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