just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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