i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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