Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
