Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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