He had one of those small greek statue penises
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
