I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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