hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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