I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize