She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
