dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
