apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
