mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
