rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
