I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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