i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
