Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
