i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
