His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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