So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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