is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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