You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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