There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You were trust falling into bushes
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize