Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
