he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
