i don't like sucking hair
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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