Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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