It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
