their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize