your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
