I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you made out with another girl for some wings
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
