I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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