even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
