We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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