im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
