I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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