Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
