I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
