Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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