Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize