i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
not ubering you a puppy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
