My brain says no but my pants say off.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
