Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
