just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
