You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize