im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
