New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Someone shattered a urinal.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
