Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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