i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
