just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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