I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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