Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
