im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
