I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
