Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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