boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
