im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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