They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
