All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
