Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
