I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
