Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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